Mujagirl92

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. The time has come. It is 2020. It is 16th February. It is my birthday. This is the day I turn 28. Yes, I am legit 28! :D When you feel unloved, you are wrong coz scientifically, we will never be able to love anybody more than we love ourselves. No amount of love can beat the power of love of your ownself. Love can be so powerful but never more powerful than self love. Happy Birthday Mujahidah Sayang..  Muja, I sayang you. I cinta you. I kasih you. I heart you. You are my most important person. I adore you with all my heart. You are my forever love. I love you till my last breath. My love for you is eternal. No one can ever come between me and you, Muja. Muja, I love you in this world and in the here after. Muja sayang. Let's conquer the world together. Let's face all the hurdles and trials with brave heart we own. We can do this Sayang. Let's do ibadah till we get so tired that we can have a good rest in Jann...

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. As cliche as it sounds, aku still rasa aku kena listkan aku punya azam tahun baru for this year even though I really doubt I can achieve even one of them. Bear with me guys. I am just going with the bandwagon of stating my resolutions for this year. Azam Tahun Baru 2020 Kena Reasonable dan Achievable  Me wearing Sutera Herbal Lip Glass Code Loves. Nak? Whatsapp 01126947035. 1. Not To Lash My Anger to My Husband. Biasalahkan, sekecil-kecil benda pun boleh jadi sebab untuk suami isteri, laki bini bergaduh, bertekak. My weakness is, my tone of voice ni, time aku tak marah pun, orang cakap aku sedang marah. Apatah lagi kalau aku marah. Kalau aku duduk sorang-sorang, thinking, omg betapa banyaknya aku meninggikan suara kat suami aku, betapa berdosanya, kalau datang angin kus kus menyerang. It's not that I want to, but it just happens. So, azam pertama aku kali ni, aku nak cabar diri aku untuk berhenti menjerit masa aku ...

You know what, the situation I hate most to be in is the i-don't-know-what-else-to-do situation. When I am writing this, I am also not knowing what to write. It is just that I want to share with all of you this kind of situation where I go fully blank. Being soft is wrong. Being harsh is wrong. Being weak is wrong. Being strong is wrong. Doing this is wrong. Doing that is wrong. Doing nothing is also wrong. Weh, what should I do? How do I hide? How do I heal? How do I deal? When everything I feel is not what others are feeling. When everything I taste is not what others are tasting. Hello, what should I do? When being silent brings me nothing. Being loud ruins everything. Going right is to a dark black hole. Pulling me to the no-ending sadness. Going left is nothing better also No, it is not gonna bring the slightest of happiness. Hey, what should I do? When I don't know what else to do? Should I follow what this crazy head's telling me to d...

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. People be like, " Easy for you to say. You're not in my shoes. " Yup. We are wearing different shoes. But the fact is, they are still 'shoes'. The painful to wear kinda shoes. The shoes that come with wrong size. The a little too big or a big too small type of shoes. Maybe just different brands. Mine are XES. Yours are Gucci. Perhaps different sizes. Mine are size 6. Yours are 8. Maybe different purpose. Mine are to the field. Yours are to the office. I deal with my insecurities everyday, feeling like I am the worst woman alive. I can't live to my husband's expectations. I don't feel beautiful. I don't think I am 'small' enough. I don't think I smell nice. My taste in fashion is gross. I think these are the reasons my husband doesn't want to do this and that with me. These are everything I do, everything I am, everyday when my husband is the complete opposite in my eyes. ...

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. Raya tahun ini pastinya sangat berbeza bagi aku. Sebelum kahwin, raya sebagai bujang. Selepas kahwin, 2 tahun raya sebagai isteri . Alhamdulillah, tahun 2018, aku raya sebagai seorang ibu. Kalau dulu, wajibkan diri untuk solat sunat Raya, tahun ni terpaksa stay kat rumah sebab Naz kurang selesa tinggal dengan auntie dia yang bongsu tu yang dia baru jumpa. Perkembangan Naz. Memula dia lahir, asal malam dia menangis. Siangnya, dia tidur atas aku manjang. Tak boleh letak. Asal letak menangis. Terpaksalah minta tolong kerani klinik umi kat bawah tengokkan sementara aku mandi dan sebagainya. Alhamdulillah. Bawa balik Muar, perangai nangis malamnya dah settle. Sekarang, kitorang dah pindah rumah baru pun, dia ok. Dah boleh berlari dah anak iols. Ya Allah, Kau bagi nikmat yang terlalu besar bila aku menjadi seorang ibu kepada the most wonderful son, Nazhan sedangkan aku hambaMu yang berdosa. Terima kasih Yaa Allah. Wrong lighting, but the...

Tempat Menarik di Melaka Yang Wajib Dilawati | Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. Bila kita tak pernah keluar daripada persekitaran yang sama sama bertahun tahun, percayalah yang kita sebenarnya menyekat ilmu dan pandangan. Itulah kenapa orang yang orang tidak mengembara diibaratkan seperti air sungai yang tidak mengalir. Lama-lama akan membusuk. Kena sangat dengan aku dulu. Aku dulu, bersekolah rendah, menengah di Kelantan. Asasi di KL setahun, asyik naik bas seringgit ke Mid Valley je. Then, balik ke Kelantan semula menyambung pelajaran di IPG. Betapa macam katak di bawah tempurungnya aku. Sebenarnya, dari kecil aku nak sangat berjalan jalan di Melaka. Sebab utama, mestilah sebab budak darjah 6 dapat pergi sana masa aku darjah 5. Tup tup, masa darjah 6, sekolah tukar lokasi lawatan. Bila naik sekolah menengah pula, asyik baca sahaja kehebatan negeri Melaka dari zaman Parameswara. Manjang tengok gambar dalam buku teks saja. Pernah sekali tu, keluarga aku beran...

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. Just a brief short blogpost from me to show how much I am missing my high school friends. Third row from left (the most top): Rafiq, Haikal, Naim, Faris, Baihaqi, Syakir, Izzat Second row from left: Luk, Faiz, Zaim, Amirul, Aiman Third row from left: Jannah, Noraini, Anis, Muja, Aisyah, Kamilah, Nora, Rofiah, Habibah Hakim, Sharul, Nije, Teacher Mai, Adilah, Hanani, Amylea Compared to other classes, we were less closed in term of having fun together, but we always know we have each other in times of trouble. We kinda got closer towards the end of the year and we cherish the moments forever. I love you guys. You will always be part of my past, my present and my future. 

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. Apabila kami dah jadi abi dengan umi Nazhan, Nik and I memang susah nak spend time berdua sebab Nazhan memang sentiasa ada dengan kami atau sekurang-kurangnya salah seorang daripada kami apabila salah seorang pergi ke toilet, solat atau gosok baju. Most of the time, memang Nazhan ada depan mata kalau bukan di tangan kami. As new parents aku memang rasa paranoid nak tinggalkan anak sebab aku terlalu memikirkan apa pandangan orang lain pada aku. Rasa bersalah kalau orang lain pegang anak lama sikit. Rasa bersalah kat anak takut anak rasa kurang disayangi. Rasa bersalah terhadap orang yang menolong sebab menyusahkan dorang. Contohnya bila mertua aku pegangkan Nazhan, padahal beliau rindukan cucu atau kalau adik aku jagakan Nazhan, padahal mereka pun suka main dengan anak saudara baru. Anak saudara pertama pula tu. Ke aku je rasa macam tu? Being someone yang memang jarang mendapat bantuan, aku memang rasa awkward bila aku terpaksa minta ...

Hargailah Ibu Yang Menyusu Badan   | Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. Nazhan tengah tidur, pinggan mangkuk, botol puting, dah settle basuh. Yang paling penting, pam susu pun sudah. Adalah 2 or 3 botol dalam peti. Setiap botol ada 2.5oz. Pukul 12 tengah malam lepas ni, pam lagi. Kalau dapat lagi 2.5oz, cukuplah untuk Nazhan sampai dia bangun tidur pagi esok. Sesi pukul 3 pagi memang jarang sangat aku buat sebab tu je masa untuk aku tidur dan rehat betul-betul. Start pukul 6 pagi esok, mengais susu lagi. Macam tulah hari-hari aku sepanjang cuti sekolah. Mengais dan mengais susu untuk bekalan susu ibu untuk anak aku, Nik Nazhan bin Nik Nashram. I really hope that all the sacrifices boleh overcome segala dosa yang aku telah lakukan dalam hidup aku. Manalah tahu, dengan setiap titik susu itu, boleh beratkan timbangan pahala di akhirat nanti. Insya Allah. Aku juga harap, segala kesakitan yang aku lalui akan menghasilkan anak yang beriman dan beramal soleh. Sem...

If I Ever Do You Wrong.. | Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. I am now already at home. Last Thursday, which was also my last day at school before my confinement leave, my family came to fetch me back to Kelantan. Took earlier leave as suggested by the specialist at Hospital Pakar Sultanah Fatimah, Muar. She was quite worried when I told her that I was going back to Kelantan on 12 Aug as the upcoming week was already my 37th week. Who would want to deliver a baby in a car in the middle of a lonely dark road. Just imagining it gives me chill.. I cannot thank my family enough when they were willing to come all the way to Johor from Kelantan just to have me to deliver my baby in my hometown. No experienced driver, only my future brother in law depending on Google Map to reach my house. Alhamdulillah, everything went well as planned. Actually, I asked them to come to my house because they have never been there since I moved to Johor in March this year. I wanted them to ...

Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. When we pour our heart out to somebody, we usually get this kind of response, 'Look at those whose life is worse than yours. Then only you will feel grateful.' I don't deny that to be true but still, it does not mean what we are going through in our life does not hurt. When we say things, when we tell things to somebody, it is just that we want to be heard because being heard is enough to make things feel better even does not really heal. 'What would hurt that much laa' said those who have family close to them, who have friends to go out with them, who have money to use at shopping malls, who have nice beds to sleep on and other good things needed in life. Let me tell you. Being far from family and close friends hurts. Having nobody to look upon to hurts. Having nobody to talk to hurts. Having nobody to listen to hurts. Having to fake happiness hurts. Having to succumb sadness to ourselves hurts. Liv...

Kenapa Nak Mintak Sangat Orang Lain Berubah | Assalaamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh. Aku selalu berdepan dengan situasi di mana orang meminta orang lain berubah. Manusia boleh ada masalah tekanan perasaan, depression semata-mata untuk keep up with people's expectation sahaja tahu? Tengok Miley Cyrus tuh. Dah jadi macam mana dengan dia. Aku sendiri, dah jadi susah nak tidur. Menangis tiba-tiba. Orang tengah tidur, aku kelip-kelip mata. The overthinking thing is very torturous and it is torturing me really badly.. Katakan aspek A aspek yang disukai dan aspek B aspek yang dibenci. Aspek yang dibenci tu bukanlah yang tidak boleh diterima sangat pun. Jenis aspek yang, ada pun tak pe, tak de pun tak pe. Tapi, still nak juga orang tu berubah. Tak boleh ke just tolerate the thing? Sebab orang tu pun ada je dia nak mintak korang berubah something, dia tak cakap je. Sebab dia tahu rasa. Tak boleh ke try adapt and adopt? Kenapa kena selfish sangat hidup dalam komuniti? ...